Week Two - A Lesson in Humility

Humility - something we need but hurts to receive...

Ever have one of those days where everything you say ends up sounding stupid or you end up with your foot in your mouth? Well that was me - all week. It seems no one finds my humor funny or my western confidence an asset. I am afraid Americans just don't have the best reputation at Microsoft in Beijing and unfortunately, I am not helping our cause. For example (only one so that I don't look too much like a moron in your eyes), I was trying to explain to my fellow workers/boss a message someone relayed to me about where he said he was from. I said, "he said somewhere like Yugoslavia." Now mind you this conversation followed one where they were making fun of Americans for not knowing places on the map. Needless to say, when they corrected me it was just horrific. I am surrounded by the best and brightest. But if I had to pick - I would rather be a student among kings then a king among students. Here, I am definitely among kings.

It is very lonely sometimes. I am surrounded by hundreds of people all the time and they are laughing and talking and I understand them not. My connection to loved ones has been down - the hotel's Internet stopped working and the maintenance man is on holiday for two weeks.

Sometimes I envision my life in three categories. These are three broad categories and definitely clustered with sub-categories. They are bondage, wilderness and freedom. For this particular journey to Beijing - bondage was the place of fear; I didn't think I could come here, I didn't think I could contribute and I didn't think I had enough money or time or whatever I had come up with. I left that place of fear and took of leap of faith. Right now, my life feels like the wilderness - the place where nothing makes much sense and I know I can't go back but neither do I know how to move forward. My attitude and willingness to change will determine the time I spend here. So what does freedom look like in Beijing? Accepting myself for all my strengths and weaknesses? Submitting to an authority who is a child prodigy? Appreciating what I have verses complaining over what I lack? I don't know - perhaps all these things or none of them.

Perhaps humility.

Oh yes, I can no longer call everyone "foreigner." :)